Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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