Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
