I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
