Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
