my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
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