i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
