I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
