my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
