Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
