I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize