The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
