The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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