i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
