OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
