the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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