My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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