at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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