the new term for farting is butt boxing.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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