Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
