does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
