So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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