I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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