Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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