I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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