I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
