why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
