My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
