Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
