We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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