remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I need moral support for this bender
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
