Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
