there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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