Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize