Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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