I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
