So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
well you can't waste a boner
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
