so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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