I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
