I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
