and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
