***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize