new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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