When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
