WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm gonna have a badass scar
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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