dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
