dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm sobbing to NWA
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
