I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
