so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
