Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
