The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
