My room smells like vodka and shame
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
