on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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