my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
