The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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