): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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