ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
