Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
So squirting runs in the family.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I could fuck to npr.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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