if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Randomize