Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
