I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
