had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
