So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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