Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
