i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
