It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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