I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
