Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
